Stop & Stare
by steee
Summary: Oneshot. Songfic - Stop & Stare by One Republic. Bella is a vampire, and she is married with Edward. She misses being a human and notices how much she left behind. It's sad.


Hey guys! :) This is my first fic ever, so be nice and don't judge me, ok? haha

I wrote it thinking about the way Bella really should be as a vampire after years living this 'life' - so, yeah, I'm disconsidering Breaking Dawn. It's focus on Bella's feelings and thoughts about her and Jacob's relationship; their friendship or something more if you want it.

Also, I probably should mention that this is a 'musical' kind of fic, with lyrics of Stop & Stare by One Republic.

* * *

_This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us / It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust / __I've got my heart set on anywhere but here / I'm staring down myself, counting up the years / Steady hands, just take the wheel... / And every glance is killing me / Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead  
_

50 years.

It wasn't a long time, was it? When your lifetime doesn't have a truth end you learn to count years differently. In the beginning they're like an eternal gift, always so unique, made of wonderful moments of love and gratitude. But then, they stop passing by like hurricanes of joy and start to feel heavy, difficult to go trough.

She felt tired. Not physically, but emotionally. Her body was a cold rock that would never fail, but her mind was weak and confused.

A choice that can't be undone.

_Stop and stare __/ I think I'm moving but I go nowhere / Yeah I know that everyone gets scared / But I've become what I can't be, oh / Stop and stare / You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there / And you'd give anything to get what's fair / But fair ain't what you really need / Oh, can u see what I see_

She stares at herself in the mirror. She can't trust the image she sees. "Perfection doesn't buy happiness, after all." She carries this thought for _so_ long.

"How did I do this to myself?" she wonders. Their love used to look like everything that really mattered. Why wasn't that enough _now_?

She misses her friends. She misses her family. She misses feeling the sun in her skin in a cold day at the beach while walking around with people she cares about. And all the pleasure in living and feeling all of that she had never thought about became tracks of memories, pieces of lightening sparkles that are fading away together with any sense of contentment.

Above all the things, she misses _him_ so hardly that hurts.

"I should had chosen life"

Too late.

_They're tryin to come back, all my senses push / Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could... / Steady feet, don't fail me now / Gonna run till you can't walk / But something pulls my focus out / And I'm standing down..._

Her conscience was hard, but she knew what was next to do. That was a need, not an ethic question.

She walked trough the house she lived so many years of her 'life'. She started to ran. No dialogues, no speeches – she didn't need to have him there. She didn't _want_ him to be there. She was, oh, so sick of all that damn overprotection when the only thing that really caused her pain was irreversible. Look at him was also painful, but she couldn't help remember that _this_ was _her_ choice.

Maybe it would have been different. Maybe…

_T__he phone rang and ruined everything. - _This is an universal truth.

She ran like her life could end now - and she wanted it so bad. She ran like she could make things better, like she could come back to when she was just a stupid and nonsense teenage girl.

_Stop and stare / I think I'm moving but I go nowhere / Yeah I know that everyone gets scared / But I've become what I can't be, oh / Stop and stare / You start to wonder why you're here not there / And you'd give anything to get what's fair / But fair ain't what you really need / Oh, you don't need  
_

She gets in the place she intended to go. It's raining, as usual. A white fog is hovering over the green trees that she's hidden, but she can watch a sad scene happening in the small and depressive place in front of her. Some people, black dressed.

Lost tears, tied hugs.

He meant so much to her. Now she realized that 'the sun' was a tiny word, a cliché that wasn't even close to describe his importance.

_What you need, what you need / Stop and stare / I think I'm moving but I go nowhere / Yeah I know that everyone gets scared / But I've become what I can't be / _Oh, do you see what I see?

The rain got harder. Nature cried Jacob's death in a way she would never be able to do in her existence.


End file.
